Oh 2014!

    Now this is becoming a yearly ritual, my year reflections & thoughts. This year shall be no different except, I hope that my year in review inspires & grows someone in some way. Enjoy!

January 1, 2014 I had two goals for the next 365 days.
1.) Be Consistent
2.) Take a trip to California

  Yes, I accomplished both but I also learned a valuable lesson about myself, it means nothing just to do something without having a clear goal or plan in place (that's shade to my California trip.) I'll get back to that after I discuss goal #1 Being Consistent.

 What does consistency mean to me? Writing more, keeping my word, & all around just putting in effort to make sure everything I do is from a genuine place & in line with who I am. Through this goal I birthed this blog but more importantly from this blog came the platform "she's a BEAST" which has exceeded all of my initial goals and becoming one within itself. Consistency has also challenged me to hold myself accountable and to be the best me.

 Although, I set these two main goals for myself a year without a true test would just be too good to be true right? 2014, was the year of clarity & self actualization I am more than positive that my personal growth had to be tested in order for me to move on to this next chapter. I've had my character damn near assassinated and my ego bruised but out of it all I learned one of the most valuable lessons of life.. "How people treat you most times has nothing to do with you, but all to do with them and battles that they are facing." WHEW! When God shed that good light in my heart, it put so much into perspective. I am not a perfect person, I am not a perfect friend but I am of Love and I come to people as I am even if at times it isn't the prettiest so when I'm met with disloyalty, or hatred I'm wondering why? Is it me, did I do something? But it wasn't, people will do people things and unfortunately there's some fucked up things in that mix... Let it Be. I had to stop concerning myself with what didn't feel good, including the feelings of others who weren't ready to work through their issues but wanted me to be superwoman. I had to stop giving so much of myself when who I was giving to wasn't replenishing my needs. I also had to learn to say no and be okay with that, I've allowed guilt to make me be physically present when in reality I wasn't present at all. Yet, even through realizations I was still finding myself in really dark moments and I knew it was because what I said I was going to do and what I was doing wasn't aligned. So, I finally let go of people, places and things that didn't make me feel good kept me feeling drained and in the bigger picture I couldn't see why I was holding on.

   Year of 27, I've only been 27 since August and it feels like it's been about 10 years! This is the year of intuition & truth and it has been. When I speak of this and of all things I am holding myself accountable for all things because at the end of the day, this is my life and the choice is always mine. This last half of the year I was met with the rawest of hurt, it was coming from everywhere unexpected. Does hurt, hurt less when you expect it from certain people? I don't think so. I've accepted that every relationship (friendship, romantic etc.) isn't necessarily meant for it to be this drawn out forever kind of thing. I've had to create boundaries and know that roles are real especially in friendships, you've got to know where to keep people and allow them to be the person and friend they KNOW how to be... nothing more, nothing less. I was in a very short lived relationship & although the other person may not agree or understand I know that the relationship wasn't meant to be a fairytale union, it wasn't meant to be grand or pretty... it was meant to be real. Everything isn't about me in a direct sense, I do believe I am brought into people's life to show them something they haven't seen, to feel something they've never felt & just to know what it is to be with someone who is nothing more than just themselves.

I have to love myself so deep,
I'd drown myself in my love...

   I thought of this, because I really do love myself but it's never been this type of love that I am experiencing now. This woman I am becoming is phenomenal and it feels so good. I am no longer fighting battles, I am no longer holding onto what I need to let go & I am no longer being anything other or doing anything other than what I want to do. 

Goal #2 Take a trip to California, I woke up one September morning feeling full of gratefulness and I had a few extra dollars lingering in my bank account so I decided to buy a ticket to California. I did and months later I finally took the trip, I went to the Bay Area and saw old college friends and caught up with another friend that I love to pieces. Those moments were good but what I accepted about myself on this trip was my failure to plan in life keeps me feeling like I am in constant limbo. I acknowledge this flaw in me truthfully and know that I have to work on it if I want to be as great as I know I am destined to be. 

  All in all 2014, was a year that had to happen in the way that it did. I've had many memorable moments I've been fortunate to live in a wonderful city surrounded by amazing, creative & talent beings. I've established relationships with people that keep me going, have held the light for me when my days were dark. My highs didn't always outweigh my lows but these lows are my constant reminder that I am the woman I say I am. I now know that home to me is the space in which feels good, the space that is true or love and peace. (right now it's at my Mommy's house <3)  As I intentionally walk into this New Year I am walking in faith, in a way I haven't ever. The time has come where I can no longer run, dodge or straddle the fence of this amazing gift of spirituality. 

  I said in the beginning I wanted to inspire someone on my reflections, and through that I have to say.. Keep going, keep believing, always be your best and be you. Everyone isn't meant to get "it" and that's fine, as long as you are true to yourself in all ways life will bring you just what you need. Take care of yourself, these last few months I've been surrounded by talks about self care and it is real, know how to love yourself and heal you so that you can love those around you. We are all flawed this life isn't meant to be lived in perfection but it is meant to be LIVED. 

Just thrive while you do it! 

From my heart to yours, I'm sending you all an abundance of LOVE & LIGHT,