Be okay with not being okay

 The easiest thing to do is to come home, take a shower and go to bed I don't want to talk to anyone I don't want any questions. I received a text "are you good" I saw it, and didn't respond... Had I said yes that would have been a bold face lie, and had I said No that would have came with a too long, over told explanation. I'm not okay, and at this moment I'm okay with saying that.

Rereading my words it is as if I am back in that moment, I can always feel the way I felt in my darkest moments as if they are currently happening. I've decided to post this particular post because the talk about self care has been very present these days. In the past I've opened up more about my thoughts of suicide and just really being free, I can't say I am completely healed from those thoughts but I do know now how to deal with them a little better. One thing I have learned is I am not alone in this thing, my feelings or thoughts don't make me crazy I just process things differently from others.

  These past few months have been especially hard work, friends, a relationship it seemed as though I couldn't catch a break anywhere I turned. Yet, in my loneliest moments I would receive an affirmation that I would be fine, or someone was thinking of me that I have appreciated. I've realized that crocheting has been my meditation which has also allowed me to make amazing items to sell. In a way even though I hurt, I am becoming a better women and in turn I can be better to others.

I feel like this is a rant, maybe it is but there's someone reading that just needs to know that there is another being that gets "it." Find your peace it can be in the simplest of things (sitting in a quiet space, playing jazz music, taking a walk) don't take kind words or genuine love for granted.


P.S. You can always reach out to me... I do get "it."

With Love & Light.

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