For the past five maybe six days I haven’t smoked a black & mild. It’s not a secret that at any given moment you turn around and see me puffing away but I don’t broadcast it out. I’m also not a chain smoker as I once was either, pats self on the back.
I think it’s funny I give myself credit for shit that still is negative, but hey it’s one step closer to self realization. Anyway, I’ve always said that I don’t have an addictive personality to certain things and smoking being one of them. I also realized that may be a lie I’ve been telling myself, although I’ve been known to stop smoking all together for months on end I always find my way back.
I started smoking in College (of course) and I started with Black & Milds, I would buy packs and stand behind my dormitory and smoke like I was out on a sunny island. It also became a ritual to smoke with my daily cup of coffee.. yes really classy might I add. I then was introduced to Darjium cloves which to me are a mix between a cigarette and a cigar. I loved these things and they became my “thing” my best friend and I would ride around Miami and smoke away. I think I realized my smoking had become a bad habit because there was a time when I couldn’t find anywhere that sold the cloves and I needed them so I called up the homies back at home and had them on the lookout for them and mail me packs. HA!
Maybe I am addicted to this nicotine, that’s scary. Eventually I stopped smoking the cloves because they started tasting weird (like dirt) but I started back with the Blacks. Sheesh! Since I am my own worst enemy I decided to give myself a challenge go at least a week without smoking. Easy enough, although everywhere I turn there is someone smoking something. Yesterday I almost fell back, I just wanted to relax after work grab a cup of coffee or my new favorite Chai Tea and smoke. I didn’t give in though another pat on the back. It’s kind of like proving myself wrong and that is what works for me, not telling anyone what I want to do and expecting them to hold me accountable. I’ve got this, and no I don’t think once the day seven is up am I going to have a celebratory smoke LOL I think I’ll just ride the wave of knowing I’m really not addicted!